it's a jolly holiday.

Photo courtesty of Flickr.

Somebody is trying to rain on my birthday parade. Well, guess what? It’s not going to work. No amount of broken jump drives, work indecision, face breakouts, gloomy weather, or car malfunctions can change the fact that in four days, I turn 23. And it is a big deal.

So I'm determined to ignore the frustrations milling around me, and instead am thinking about my own little birthday holiday. Here's what I mean:

I love Audrey Hepburn. (Who doesn’t, really?) I love her quiet grace in Funny Face, her silly accent in My Fair Lady, and her charming insecurities in Sabrina.

My favorite Audrey movie, though, has to be Roman Holiday. In the film (please tell me you’ve seen it!), Audrey plays a princess on an illicit day-off in Rome, spending her afternoon riding mopeds, eating gelato, and hanging out with Gregory Peck.

Honestly, what’s not to love?

Audrey’s day-long vacation leaves me wishing for my own, and what better time to plan a little holiday than on the anniversary of your birth?

In reality, I’ll probably be working Monday, but a girl can dream. And so I leave you with a list of things I would do with my own little Tallahassee holiday.

breakfast in bed

some quiet time

lounging at home, on our comfy couch

a little bit of crafting

lunch with a friend at hopkins (or myra jean's)

a little bit of cupcake love

midafternoon movie with mi madre

barnes and noble browsing (and buying!)
gold medal ribbon ice cream at baskin robbins

walk around lake ella

dinner with jordan at red elephant (with hummus, please)

I'm concerned that my Tallahassee holiday consists mostly of good food. I guess I'm just that easy to please.

Now, dear reader, I want to know: what would you do on a mini-vacation that was all about you?

This has nothing to do with my birthday.

I promised lots of birthday posts (you know, since the big day is so. very. close.), but I had to share my latest find with the world!*

GO HERE.

Create amazing Polaroid pictures. Without having to buy the camera or the film. (You know, so you can pretend you're cool enough to actually have a Polaroid.)

It's the coolest application EVER, and it totally works. Check out my favorite creations:

*I now realize that everyone else blogged about this ages ago, but what can I say? Better late than never!

Somebody stop me.

I am out-of-control excited about my birthday.

I’m not really sure why. Except…

Maybe it’s the way I’ve been trained. A late night review of home videos proves that my birthday has always been quite the event.

Maybe it’s that last year I was deathly ill, and I’m intent on celebrating healthily in 2009.

Maybe it’s because I’m married and counting on my b.f.f. to make my birthday super special.

Maybe it’s the realization that it’s the only “holiday” I’ve got until Memorial Day.

Or maybe it’s because I refuse to believe that birthdays past 21 don’t mean a thing, so I’m over-compensating with excessive excitement.

Whatever the reason, with seven days remaining until the big day, I’m devoting some blog posts to the blessed event. On today’s blogging menu, my current birthday obsession: the cupcake.

Forget cookie cake; I could even do without ice cream. This year, I’m craving a cupcake. Thank you, Martha Stewart, for fueling my madness by featuring cupcakes on this month’s cover of Martha Stewart Living. If you haven’t seen this month’s issue, satisfy your curiosity by checking out these beauties:

1. Samples from Susie Cakes. 2. The Red Velvet cupcake from Cupcake Royale. 3. Happy Cakes creations. 4. Martha Stewart chocolate chip cupcake. 5. Initial cupcakes from Vanilla Bake Shop. 6. Susie Cakes signature strawberry cupcake. 7. Candy Cane cupcakes from Happy Cakes. 8. The Kate cupcake from Cupcake Royale. 9. Lovelies from Vanilla Bake Shop.

Do I have your attention? Now just read the menus from these delectable bakeries, and tell me you’re not cupcake-crazy.

That’s what I thought.

Found:

These cool “invitations”:

Found on Black*Eiffel.

This website that plans your menus for you.

A super-fun idea for planning an after-graduation trip for me and Jordan. It gives us a year and a half to plan/save, and it’s something for us both to look forward to! Now we only have to figure out just where we want to go…

This amazing performance (even if it wasn’t live…).

A way to visit Disney World for free. I can't go, but maybe you can!

Share the love.

Found on Etsy.

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I spoke at Jewels this weekend, and it was fabulous! Of course, I only knew that it was fabulous in my eyes; I had no idea what the girls in the audience might have thought. (Besides the girl who happened to be related to me. She thought I was awesome, and honestly… that was enough.)

But yesterday I received a Facebook message from the head of the event, and she was kind enough to provide me with some feedback the high schoolers left before heading home.
Their encouragement was overwhelming.

I won’t post their comments here (that’d be a bit overkill, don’t you think?), but their words made my day! It means so much that I may have had an impact on someone’s life or heart this past weekend. It means God may have had an impact, that God chose to speak through me. What an awesome feeling!

Which got me thinking: if those words made my day, what’s to prevent me from making other people’s days? Why don’t compliments and words of encouragement flow freely from my mouth? Why isn’t kindness my first language?

The joy those words brought me yesterday cannot fully be described. I want others to experience that joy. Just a few kind words can go a long way. So I’m going to start sharing the love.

Changing it up

It was time for a change, don’t you think?

A new header for a new year. Of course, if my dear husband is reading, perhaps he will keep in mind that a new blog design might be the perfect birthday gift. That’s right, folks. I want a cute blog. This header will do for now, but Delicious Design Studios is having a sale on their premade blog designs, and, man, are they cute! If said husband is listening, he can check out the Delicious Design Studio website for a sampling of their premade designs and headers. Happy birthday to me…

weekend update.

Some lessons to be learned from my weekend:

- Never rely on PowerPoint to get across your message. Inevitably, it will fail you.

- High school girls aren’t nearly as intimidating as they used to be. You know, back when you were in high school. Nowadays, they just make you feel old.

- Be proud of where you went to school. Even if most people have never heard of it, it is your school, and you did a lot of growing up there. Be grateful for your roots (even if they involve a cappella singing groups).

- Always leave a pair of tennis shoes at the in-laws house. Always.

- Picking up litter is now considered the highest of moral excellence.

- Not everyone enjoys the significance of historical events like I do. (Husband would rather do homework than watch the inauguration. Problem? I should say so.)

I spent the weekend in Montgomery at my alma mater, speaking to high school girls on the overwhelming topic of God’s incredible love. It was a fun weekend, and despite some PowerPoint malfunctioning, I think I did a good job (or, rather, I did a good job through God’s power). I think God gave me a gift, and I hope the coming year brings more opportunities to use it for Him. I'm excited about what the future may hold!

Jordan and I also spent some time with the in-laws this weekend. Jordan’s granddad celebrated his 70th birthday, and it was a pleasure to be together with him. Plus, Jordan’s parents introduced us to the fine art of geocaching, which I highly recommend for the adventurous spirit looking for a little time in the great outdoors. Aside from having to wear Jordan’s mother’s hiking boots (hence lesson number four, above), it was an enjoyable experience that I intend to repeat with Jordan in Tallahassee. Despite what my Wii Fit age might lead you to believe, I do love time well-spent in God’s creation (even if it involves exercise).

We got home yesterday in time for Jordan to catch up on some homework and for me to catch up on some TV watching (True Beauty, anyone? Again, see lesson five, above). It was a joy-filled whirlwind of a weekend, and I'm happy to be back home.

And, husband missed this, but that doesn’t mean you should too. Love him or hate him, the new President can give a speech (full text here), and the events of today are certainly historic. His inaugural address is worth watching, and the actions of his Presidency are worth praying for.

“Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions – who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage."

-President Barack Obama

{:.Weekend Plans.:}

Guess what I'll be doing this weekend?

Hopefully I won't need an emergency escape. I'll keep you posted.

Ode to the blog

I’ve discovered something about myself.

I love to blog.

Really. I love it. You know why? It’s one of the only things I do entirely for me. I know that’s selfish and narcissistic sounding (and at the same time makes me sound like some selfless saint, which I am not), but it’s true.

I mean, do I like comments? Of course. Who doesn't, really? (And, sidenote, if you want to reveal yourself as a reader, please, feel free to do so today. It'd be nice to know if the thousand hits I’ve gotten are mostly me, re-reading my own posts, or if there are people out there who really read what I have to say.)

But I’m not going to cry if all of a sudden the readers stop reading. I do this for me.

I think you may know by now, but if not: I like to write. Scratch that. Love to write.

And I don’t get to do enough of it. Except here. This blog made me fall in love with writing all over again.

Here I can write what I want, when I want, how I want.

Sometimes it’s lazy writing. Sometimes I edit and re-edit until the words come out just right.

Either way, I love it.

I stay really busy planning things, organizing things, designing things, and doing things for others. Plus there’s this thing called a job. And even though most of these are enjoyable to me, they’re not really for me. Do you know what I mean?

In fact, some days, I’d really like to clear my entire calendar and not do a thing. Ignore all obligations. Accomplish nothing (except maybe I would watch The Office and eat cinnamon rolls and read a good book). But since my calendar stays full and my obligations remain intact and books go unread, I blog as my getaway.

It’s kind of liberating.

Because instead of fulfilling obligations, planning Bible classes, filling my calendar, writing emails, checking Facebook: I choose to write. Whatever I want. However I want. Some might call this irresponsible. I call it saving my sanity.

When I was younger, I thought writing would be what I did all day long. Now I see why. I love to write. (I even liked writing research papers in college. Seriously.) I majored in journalism because I figured: if I want to write all day long and get paid, I’ll have to be a journalist. (Which, looking back, was good logic, but journalism died this year. Did you notice?)

So, post-college, I don’t get to write all day. But I do get to blog.

And that is something to write about.

act out for health

I just have to share this video, turned in for a contest Healthy Kids sponsored. Isn’t it hilarious? It was my personal favorite of all the entries…

confession.

I hear confession is good for the soul.

So I must confess:

I am ridiculously out of shape.

I am petite, it’s true. But after utilizing my cousins’ Wii Fit and discovering that my “Wii Fit Age” is 41 (um, that’s nearly twice my real age!), I am surrendering to the fact that petite-ness isn’t everything.

No, sir.

I may be small, but small doesn’t equal healthy (unfortunately).

So, my new year’s decision to exercise is being immediately implemented. Jordan and I have been walking in the mornings, yes, but now I am determined to begin the dreaded jogging in the afternoon. Last night I used the parentals’ treadmill to walk for 30 minutes. I thought I was going to die.

To top it all off, I’m asking for my own Wii Fit for my birthday. Prior to the discovery that I am, in fact, middle aged, I made a lot of fun of the Wii Fit. “Why can’t people just get off the couch and play outside? Why do people need a video game to help them exercise?”

Because, dear, naive, 20-something self: the Wii Fit is much more than a video game. It’s a personal trainer.

And let’s face it: I don’t have the money for a personal trainer. Nor do I have the money for a gym membership. Really, I don’t. I do, however, have a 23rd (or is it 42nd?) birthday coming up.

So, Mom, are you listening? I’d like a Wii Fit, please. Pretty please?

(And, also, one of these. Because I probably will get tired of working out in front of a television.)

Courtesy of Oh Joy!.

I am a torn woman.

I came across this quote while reading this woman’s entire blog (I don't know how I find these, I really don't) on Friday:

“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. … We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.”

I’ve been thinking about these words all weekend. They struck a chord, and here's why: I am a woman torn.

I frequently feel this way; it’s nothing new. I have always been a girl with two separate halves and beings. I long for a place in the city, for a brownstone in Boston or a studio in New York. I want inner-city transportation and hamburger joints that are open past midnight. But there’s this other part of me, though. The part that wants quiet and open space. A front porch with a swing, bicycle rides past farmhouses with big yards.

These two parts continue. Part of me wants to stay home and wear sweatpants, take care of our little apartment. I want to cook and read and enjoy my home. Then this other part wants to wear clothes straight out of Lucky magazine, have a job and career that fulfills me, and travel the world in the process. I want to bring home the bacon and eat take-out while watching The Office.

I can’t figure out how to make these two halves of me equal a whole.

So when I found this quote, it didn’t surprise me that I didn’t quite know how I felt about it.
Oh, I think it’s true. No doubt about it. I believe the world needs more tenderness, more kindness, more faith. But then there is that other, and admittedly, smaller part of me that thinks, “Why not toughness? Why not fame and fortune? Why can’t I be both?”

Which reminds me of this conversation that took place recently, that explained to me a little bit of why these two halves of me exist:

J: “I think I’m finally figuring out how you are who you are.”

A (laughing): “What do you mean?”

J: “After watching all these Gilmore Girl and Mary Tyler Moore Show episodes, I’m starting to figure you out. I get why you are the way you are.”

Why I am the way I am? What does that mean, I wonder? But then I understood what he meant.

I am a girl who was raised to know that meekness and tenderness are virtues. That women are meant to submit to their husbands, to be gentle with those they come in contact with. And yet I was also raised to speak my mind, to take a stand. I was raised to be an independent thinker, to get an education, to use that education. My role models were Anne Shirley and Jo March, Mary Richards and Rory Gilmore.

What does this mean? Here’s what I don’t think it means: I don’t think it means I’ll make a terrible mother, or that I won’t let my husband wear the pants. I don’t think it means I can’t be gentle, or meek, or tender.

I do think it means my husband and I will have a partnership. I will speak my mind, give my opinion, but ultimately trust my husband to make the right decision. It means I will raise my children to be independent thinkers, to read, to expand their minds, to discover who they are, to create. It means I will always be growing, always be thinking, always be discovering. I will aim for tenderness and kindness, and sometimes I will miss.

It means I will not be a woman of the world. I will be a woman of faith. I will be a woman of faith who is independent and tough, but who is also tender and kind, just like these women: Abigail and Mary, Deborah and Esther. These are my other role models, the ones I really wanted to become. Women with intelligence and independence, toughness and meekness. Women of faith. Women of God. Women who were imperfect, but loved and used by God.

I have two halves, but I can see how they are becoming whole.

Dear waiting game,

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

Dear waiting game,

Last night we talked about you. The Bible study group and I. We talked about how tough you can be. How frustrating. How numbing.

How we feel like we’re always overcome by you. How we’re always waiting: for a spouse, for a job, for an adventure, for the next big thing.

And as we talked and shared, I realized something I’d somehow missed.

You’re what it’s all about.

My life, that is.

It’s all about the wait.

It scares me that I almost missed this, that I almost didn’t catch this piece of news in time.

I almost missed that I was sitting in the midst of friends I didn’t know a year ago.

That I was sitting in apartment that I didn’t live in a year ago.

With a husband in the other room.

That just a year ago, I was waiting for these very things.

And in the midst of suffering through your existence, I almost forgot that I have a job in a time when not everyone does.

That just because I’m about to celebrate a year at this non-profit doesn’t mean that I’ll be here forever.

You tricked me, see.

I thought you were something I was supposed to endure, to get over with.

I didn’t understand that it was possible to enjoy you.

Relish the moment, and all that jazz.

Thank goodness it hit me, before it was too late.

No more fooling me, not for now.

I’m paying attention.

Some days, you might make me miserable, but now I’m determined.

(And we both know how I get when I’m determined.)

Determined to enjoy you, to learn from you, to grow in you.

Sincerely,

ABJ

oh, this kid.

This is Chet at his office (also know as the mailroom of my office).

So, tomorrow, this kid leaves.

I’m not too happy about it, either.

I know, I know.

We all have to grow up, move on, find ourselves.

But 11 hours is a long way from home.

And I’m not used to being left behind.

(It’s a rare benefit of being the oldest.)

Plus it was nice to have a friend around.

You know, to watch Lost with.

And The Office.

And just to visit (because that's what friends do).

And, he’s kind of grown-up now.

Which is also fun to watch (maybe more than Lost).

So, yes, I’ll miss my brother.

But I’m also going to miss my friend.

Go find yourself, brother, but come back.

Because let’s face it.

There’s nothing in Arkansas anyway.

I spy.

Photo courtesy of Flickr.

Today I spied:

• A video that reminded me everyone has a story.
• A cute blue scooter zipping through downtown Tallahassee.
• A creative mom who adores cupcakes as much as I do.
• A double rainbow sitting grandly above the Capitol.
• A photo of Presidents past, present, and future.
• A pretty blue sky peaking through the early morning rain.
• An article that got me thinking.

What did you spy today?

God flirts with me.

I once had my friend Jenna tell me that God was flirting with her. I’ll be honest, I was a little in shock. Flirting? The Creator of the Universe? I wasn't so sure. But now, I get it.

See, this weekend, God sent me flowers.

Saturday night, Jordan and I were in Publix. We’re on a fairly tight budget. (Who am I kidding? We’re hanging on by a thread.) We were headed to dinner with my parents, and my dad needed a head of lettuce and some tomatoes. I didn’t know exactly how we were going to pay for those two items, but I also knew we were getting a free dinner out of the deal, so I set out to fulfill my dad’s super-simple request.

So we went to Publix, armed with a teensy bit of cash.

As we were perusing the aisles for the necessary items (and feeling a little depressed that we couldn't afford $2.99 donuts), I found a Publix gift card in my purse. I just knew we had found an answer to our prayers! Until Jordan burst my bubble.

“I think that has about 50 cents on it,” he said.

“Are you sure?” I said, still clinging to my dream (the one that included donuts).

“Pretty sure. I think that’s the one my work gave me, and we’ve already used it.”

Great. “Well," I said with the enthusiasm of Pollyanna, "We’ll use the 50 cents anyway.”

We continued our trip through the store, and were just about ready to face the music when out of the corner of my eye, I saw them: the fresh flowers section.

I am a firm believer in the power of fresh flowers, remember? And as host of this week’s Bible study, I feel kind of responsible for making my home a little lovelier for my guests. Plus… I just wanted them. I wanted their color in our apartment: all the yellows, purples, reds. And for $4.99, it felt wrong not to take them.

So I did.

Even though I knew our gift card was worth 50 cents.

As we neared checkout, Jordan smiled at me, the “my-wife-is-crazy-but-I-love-her-despite-it” smile, the smile that says “we-barely-have-money-for-lettuce-but-let’s-get-the-flowers-anyway.”

I quickly assured him that these flowers would bring our little abode much happiness this week. I think he believed me. Maybe. If he had any reservations, he wisely hid them.

So we got ready to pay. Lettuce? Check. Tomatoes? Check. Fresh flowers for living room pitcher? Check.

“That will be $8.50,” the cashier told us.

I swiped the gift card, secretly praying that the little piece of plastic would be worth more than 50 cents.

It was.

It was worth $30, to be exact.

Jordan and I cheered. The man behind us grinned. The cashier smiled politely, and informed us we had about a $20 balance remaining on the card.

We celebrated with relief and in confidence.

See, this is how I know I’m going to be okay: God brought me flowers on Saturday night. And in this small gesture, He reminded me exactly who He is.

In complete love with me.

hello, 2009.

For New Year's Eve, we had friends and fondue, a wicked game of Revolution, and sparkling grape juice. We counted down to '09 three times before we produced a successful video. Anyway, here's to a happy 2009!

{my new year's decisions}

swallow the Scriptures.
establish a book club.
devote my Friday nights to my husband.
learn how to cook healthily and plan my meals in advance.
take a photography or graphic design class.
drink more water and less Coca-Cola.
continue to use my gifts in a variety of ways.

exercise on a regular basis.
find moments of quiet and enjoy them.
wake up earlier.
pray the daily hours.
practice patience with others.
let my creative juices flow.
take long walks.
choose joy and love.

{What are your new year's decisions?}