i am martha.

Carved a pumpkin Monday night that looks just like this.

Only this pumpkin is featured on Martha Stewart's website.

And I hadn't seen it prior to carving my pumpkin.

With an apple corer.

I am Martha.

This is me:

I don’t even know where to begin except to say that the to-do list I posted a few days ago has since grown in size. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten things done. But every check mark has been replaced by yet another item to do.

I used to make fun of the brides I knew who quit their jobs or took a hiatus months before the wedding in preparation for the big event. Now I understand. See, when you do things yourself, you kind of need time to do those things. Who knew? So, in addition to having a wedding to wrap up and bridesmaids luncheons to plan, I have a real-life job, a fiancé who would forget to eat if I didn’t remind him (thank you, law school, for contributing to the madness), and volunteer work coming out of my ears. How did this happen?

I need a mental health day. Instead, I canceled my acupuncture appointment for this afternoon so that I could actually eat before 9 tonight. I'm pretty sure that's counterproductive.

Help!

big families = big blessings

Mondays are slow, the election is upon us, life is busy, and so I want to take a moment and tell you who I love.

I love Jordan. He’s the best friend and husband-to-be a girl could ask for. I love that He delights in God’s word, that he thinks I’m beautiful, and that he loves all the quirks that come with a girl like me. I love that we have fun together being outside, reading, watching movies, playing games. I love that he keeps me sane, that he loves to laugh, and that he’s smart and hard-working. And I love that I get to marry him very, very soon.

I love my brother. I love that he’s funny and cares passionately about politics (even though we don’t always agree). I love the he’s smart, and that he introduced me to The Coffee Pub and their incredible Chai Tea. I love that he will make a very quirky professor one day (quirky runs in our family) and that he’s one of my very best friends. I also love that we laugh at the same things. I do not love that he is going to leave me and go to Harding, but I’m proud of his new adventure.

I love my cousins. I love that big families=big blessings. I love that I have two younger “sisters” or “fuzzins” who live just down the road. I love that I’ll be in Tallahassee a little longer to watch them grow up some more. I love that we laugh together and that they make fun of me even though I just know they think I’m cool. I love that they are beautiful, funny, and quirky. I love that with them, I can be nerdy and goofy, and I can go see High School Musical 3 on opening day.

I love my dad. I love that I am so much like him. I love that he’s a leader in the church, and I love that he raised me to be a leader too. I love that he’s a good cook and makes me breakfast (which will be very sad to give up in deed). I love that we read the paper together in the mornings and that he taught my brother and me to be independent thinkers. I love that he has a cheesy sense of humor and that he loves my mom A TON.

I love my mom. I love that we look alike. I love that we’re so much alike that we sometimes get on each other’s nerves. I love that we’re both stubborn. I love our “Gilmore Girls” moments and our mini-adventures. I love when we go shopping together, even if we don’t buy anything. I love snuggling in bed with her and watching movies. I love that she steals those same movies from my personal collection when I’m not looking. I love that she’ll still let me do laundry at her house even when I’m married. I love that our house is a home and that it always will be.

I love my aunt, my uncle, my grandma, and my other aunt. I love that they all live together and that they have the best food. I love that Chet and I (and now Jordan) can visit anytime; I don’t even have to call first. I love that I can sit on their kitchen counter and tell them what I’m thinking. I love that we talk politics, and books, and sports, and that we’re all different but all alike. I love that they make up my other home and that I can count on them for anything.

I love these people because they love me and make up who I am. I think you should know them too. They're pretty amazing.

life is beautiful.

God is good, isn’t He?

I sit here this morning in my little office space, watching the rain pour down outside, and for some reason I can’t get this poem out of my head: “Life is real, life is earnest, and the grave is not its goal…”

We had to memorize two stanzas of Longfellow’s “A Psalm of Life” when I was in the eighth grade, and for better or worse, those two stanzas are the only ones I remember. So imagine my surprise when this morning, Longfellow’s poem (written in 1838) seemed to echo the feelings I have in 2008.

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
"Life is but an empty dream!"
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
"Dust thou art, to dust returnest,"
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act to each to-morrow
Finds us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing
Learn to labor and to wait.

I bolded my favorite lines, lines that resonate with me this morning. I love that God speaks to me in poetry, reminding me that there is “nothing new under the sun,” that life is fleeting, and it’s beautiful, and I can find my place in it, with His help. I see Him working in me, and I love what He's doing. Life is beautiful.

.:a list:.

- Groom’s cake
- Design ad for Timberlane church
- Organize tour of community center
- Purchase 2009 planner (because next year’s life has already begun itself)
- Finish grad school application
- Plan Jewels lessons (one down, two to go)
- Read for Thursday Bible study
- Prepare for Wednesday night class
- Find outfit for rehearsal dinner
- Design logo for Timberlane’s women’s retreat
- Develop a budget (complete ASAP)
- Contact Dr. Parker about vows
- Revamp Timberlane website

This is an excerpt from my current to-do list. Does it look a little, I don’t know, lengthy to you? Yes. The answer is yes. Somehow my life just got filled up. This happens pretty frequently, but this time the change seems kind of sudden. I relish it and detest it all at once. I love being busy, but part of me wants nothing more than to curl up in a ball and read for an entire day. Not happening, so I will press on. And I will also strictly follow this "do not do" list in order to get me through this semi-chaotic period of life:

- Do not buy one more thing before the end of the month (besides the pumpkin... cash only)
- Do not stay up watching Gilmore Girls or Lost DVDs when sleep is so valuable
- Do not fall behind on Chinese medicine routine (for health's sake)
- Do not ignore the alarm clock just because the covers are warm
- Do not let the busy-ness distract me from the beauty

Ah, that last one. That's the one that needs to stick. Somehow, I think it will.

.creating.

This afternoon, a confession: I want to be an artist.

I want to sit outside on days like this and soak it in.

I want to create something.

I want to wear clothes I’ve made myself.

I want to take Polaroid pictures like these.

I want to wear this apron and cook fabulous, organic meals.


I want to live in a place like this.

I want to design my own jewelry.

I want to take classes here or here.

I want to work by my own schedule.

I want to live in technicolor.

I want to show you what inspires me today:

Playground Jesus

I’m becoming braver. I’m making friends, stepping out, looking for ways to serve. I’m blooming where God has planted me.

Last night, a small group of girls from my Bible study group went to babysit some kids at a center in town; their moms were taking an hour-long life-skills class. These children ranged in age from ten months to 12 years, and they all wanted the same thing: someone to just pay them a little bit of attention.

When the four of us arrived, a few students from FSU were already helping and playing with the children, leaving us feeling a little bit useless. Then the kids saw us. Soon most of us were playing “red light, green light” (their favorite), racing down the slides, or chasing after the lone 18-month-old who could not stay put.

As we wrangled the kids together toward the end of the night, we discussed that it might be better if we could find a place to help that actually needed us; the FSU students seemed to have this Tuesday night activity covered. And yet… The look in those kids’ eyes when we showed up proved what I think was true: we were needed, wanted. It sounds so cliché, but all these children wanted was a little bit of love, and we were able to provide them with that, despite other volunteers already being there.

You know those moments when you can feel God using you, making you into the person you’re meant to be? Last night I had one of those moments. They come to me sometimes. I’ve had those moments working on class newsletters, mentoring the middle school girls, giving devotionals, journaling, talking with someone about my Father's words. And I have those moments when I’m serving others, when I finally use my gifts for people who need them. Thank you, Lord, for those moments. Those moments when I feel Jesus shining through in me.

Last night, with playground sand in my jeans and dirty children in my arms, I finally felt like Jesus. May I be in constant pursuit of moments like these.

snap happy.

Jordan and I had a fabulous weekend in Birmingham visiting his family, getting financial advice from Dave Ramsey, and taking a few (um, 400) engagement photos. Life is starting to closely resemble a whirlwind, so it was nice to take a couple of days to enjoy each other. Plus, didn’t these pictures turn out great?

:.curling up.:

Rainy days were not meant for working.

They just weren't. As I sit here brainstorming articles for the next FHKC family newsletter, I'm feeling a little drowsy. I'd love nothing more than to be curled up in bed, reading a new book (recommendations, anyone? I'm leaning towards Atonement), or watching my Gilmore Girls DVDs.

Instead, today is Wednesday, the everlasting day. From work, to the apartment, to church. After teaching 4th and 5th graders the joys of mission work, I'll head home, only to finish invitations and compile CDs for the wedding party. Why does my bed feel so very far away today?

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

This fall weather does wonders for the attitude. Here’s why I’m feeling happy today:

- There is such thing as amazing grace.
- The wedding bands have been purchased, and they suit us perfectly.
- Invitations are being addressed this week, and I can’t wait for people to get them!
- I’m just 20 pages from finishing “Redeeming Love.”
- The bridesmaids’ gifts are in hand.
- A road trip with my fiancé is on the near horizon (Friday, in fact).
- The sun is shining and the sky is clear for the tenth day in a row.
- I love my friends, the old and the new.
- This Chinese medicine stuff appears to be working.

- My Sunday was pure joy.
- God loves me more than I can ever comprehend.

You've got a lot of nerve, Mr. Sullivan.

“Oh, there's another bend in the road at their end,” answered Anne lightly. “I've no idea what may be around it—I don't want to have. It's nicer not to know.”

I’ve loved Anne Shirley for as long as I can remember. From my first encounter with her in books (all eight of them!) to the pleasant miniseries adaptation, I have followed Anne through her various journeys. Jordan even had his heart set on taking me to good ol’ P.E.I. for our honeymoon-- until we found out it would be below zero degrees.

Unfortunately, my journey with Anne in her various forms just came to a screeching halt. Why?

This year, during the 100th anniverary of Anne, Kevin Sullivan tried to make a buck by producing a “prequel” to Anne’s story. Give me a break.

With all of the original L.M. Montgomery novels still intact and beautifully written, this idiot has taken it upon himself to develop a prequel to the Anne stories that complete departs from Montgomery's beloved classics.

Now, Sullivan’s orginal, critically-acclaimed miniseries starring Megan Follows originally came out in the late 1980s, and I admit, I love it. They are beautiful films, and for the most part, they actually match the events that take place in the Anne novels. When the miniseries sequel, “Anne of Avonlea,” came out, I was still a faithful follower. Although it strayed a little from Montgomery’s original concept, the basic story of Anne was still there.

But in 2000, when this same director produced “Anne of Green Gables: A Continuing Story,” I had to put my foot down. My aunts raved about the production; I, on the other hand, still haven’t seen it. And I don’t plan to. For real Anne fans, the plotline is not only absurd, it’s problematic. And now Sullivan takes the absurdity one more level by developing this prequel, supposedly released earlier this year. I never saw “Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning” advertised, and for good reason. Poor Lucy Maud Montgomery is probably rolling in her grave.

Why weren’t Montgomery’s original stories good enough for Sullivan? They’re full of vibrant characters and strong themes, two literary concepts Kevin Sullivan clearly doesn’t understand. Too bad, because in the film world, I’m pretty sure a decent screenplay is relatively important.

Thanks, Mr. Sullivan, for attempting to ruin a beloved classic. Next time, do all Green Gables fans a favor: stick to the script (preferably not your own).

I'd rather be...

I’ve been doing pretty okay at being content at work… until today. The slowness kicked in, so during lunch I went and spruced up the apartment for company tomorrow. Now all I can think about it how much I’d rather be here than at the office:

The October sun makes Jordan’s (soon to be my!) apartment so cheerful looking; the perfect place to read an afternoon away. But here I sit. Bummer.