ablaze: pursuing God in marriage.

There's this scene I remember distinctly from the first few weeks of my marriage. 

I was walking around our very tiny apartment, trying desperately to keep quiet as Jordan studied for law exams in the next room. I sat down on the bed, and I looked up at the ceiling, and it hit me: I didn't have anywhere to pray.

By nature, I'm a quiet person, the kind who keeps to herself until someone pulls her up and out into the swing of things. It might come as a surprise, then, that I am very much a speak-out-loud pray-er. I simply can't stay focused otherwise. I like to get my words out in the open, resulting in lots of spoken prayers from my car and in the shower. 

Yet here I was, a married lady unable to find a spot in the house to pray without drawing the attention of my husband in the next room. 

These are the complications that can occur in your spiritual growth when you're married. 

It's a small thing, I know, and since then, I've found other ways and methods of praying: I speak prayers out loud in my car; I write letters to God on bits and scraps of paper; I send random thoughts up to the sky hoping my Father grabs hold of them and hears them. I am a work in progress, though, and some days and seasons are far better than others, and I think I may finally understand why Paul so adamantly suggests in his letter to the Corinthians that sometimes, it's just better not to be married.

Marriage can be distracting, simple as that.

I've got an entire other being dependent upon me for encouragement and love and support -- financial, emotional, and spiritual. It's a lot of pressure, and it's not always easy to balance the needs of my husband with the requirements of a relationship with the heavenly Father. It's a dilemma I'm sure parents experience, too. I've often wondered how the mothers and fathers of little ones focus during worship services or pursue the Creator when it's so time-consuming and exhausting to take care of the created. Parents and spouses have quite a bit to overcome when it comes to loving with all their hearts the One who made them, souls, and minds, and I imagine that's what Paul's message meant back when the Corinthians were deciding which was better: a life of singlehood, or life with a marital partner. 

Jordan and I were married young, but we did think long and hard about whether marriage was the right decision for us. We both understood -- as much as we could at the time, anyway -- that marriage wasn't the only option; we knew -- despite, perhaps, a lack of teaching from our respective churches -- that singlehood and celibacy existed and were realistic options, even in our modern world, and we had to decide which was best for us: a relationship with each other, a relationship with someone else, or an intimate relationship with the Father. 

We chose each other, but that decision doesn't give us permission for a lukewarm relationship with Christ.

Four years later, and I still struggle a bit with balancing my earthly relationship with my heavenly one. (It's a struggle I have a feeling I'd still face even if I were single.) I'm learning, though, that when I take Jordan for who he is -- an imperfect sinner like me -- I can see more clearly the Father for who He is: my Savior, my Lord, and my God. 

That realization alone takes so much pressure off of my husband -- he's not my redeemer or savior; he's my earthly partner and lifelong best friend -- and allows me to run to God with my worries and my hurts and my troubles.

My marriage and my husband are a gift. I firmly believe God gave me Jordan because He knew we were perfectly suited, knew we could help each other experience a full life here and later, a glorious eternal life in heaven. Understanding Jordan as an imperfect sinner doesn't diminish that gift or our relationship. It does, though, ensure I have Jordan and the Father in their rightful positions in my life, and that goes a long way in helping me pursue an out-of-this world love with the King. 

I don't always have quiet time. My prayers aren't always eloquent, and I've got a long, long way to go when it comes to spiritual growth and loving the God I serve. If I've got my priorities right, though, I can experience my marriage as a gift and not a hindrance, as a blessing and not an idol. When God called me to marriage, I believe that's what He intended. I believe He desires me to see Him as my King, my Beloved, and to see Jordan as a shadow, an earthly representation of He-Who-Loved-Me-First. I also believe He intends for me and Jordan to pursue Him together, to pray and commune with Him together, while also experiencing love with Him intimately, separately. 

Once, not so long ago, I sat upstairs in our bedroom calling and calling for Jordan. He was downstairs, and I was upstairs, and it quickly became obvious he couldn't hear me. I plodded slowly down the steps, and he came around the corner looking haphazard and distracted.

"I was praying," he said, almost sheepishly, and I realized: This is what marriage is. It's finding God in the corners and in the closets, in the car and in colored notes on paper. It's pursuing Him first, loving Him first, meeting Him and honoring Him first, above all else. It's finding ways to love and honor Him with our whole hearts, letting everything else fall into its rightful second place.

It's not always easy, and I'll fail constantly. But just like my marriage to Jordan, it's worth every mediocre effort I've got. With practice, it will become excellent. He will redeem it, because that's what He does best.

He loves. He honors. He cherishes.

And I'll keep trying to do the same.

read the other ablaze posts: annie's | nicole's | erin's

guest post: book club.

{screenshot from a video by Kinga Burza for Kate Spade}

First off, I absolutely loved hearing everybody's responses to yesterday's post about the Myer-Briggs. Turns out a whole lot of introverts and eldest children read this blog, and the extroverts and younger siblings? Well, goodness knows we need you to balance us all out.

I'm going to be over in the comments today continuing the discussion, so if you commented yesterday and want to chat, head back to yesterday's post. I'll meet you there.

In the meantime, Elizabeth over at E Tells Tales graciously offered me the opportunity to share my thoughts on starting your own book club. Elizabeth just hosted her first meeting, and she described it so well. "It made me miss college. The part where you all read the same book and then talk trash about the characters you don't like and nod in agreement about the good parts too. Does anybody else miss that? Because I do." Um, yes. Me. I miss that.

You guys know how passionate I am about the written word and gathering together to celebrate with the people you love, so book club happens to be one of my most favorite things. I'd love it if you'd join me over at Elizabeth's and leave your thoughts on book clubs, both starting them and joining them. I offered my tips and tricks, but I'm sure you've got more. The guest post is here if you'd like to join the conversation.

soaking up the season: laken.

{laken from farmhouse}

Aren't guest posts fun? This last one is by Laken, another blogger I'm happy to also call friend. I'm adding her summertime resolutions to my own list. (Oh, and Laken: if you need a road trip destination, you've got a place to stay in Tallahassee.) Happy summertime, everyone. Here's to soaking up every minute.

---

Remember summers when you were a kid? They felt endless, like August was years away. The days could be filled with anything you pleased – in my case, swimming pools, homemade ice cream and stacks of library books. You were hardly ever in a rush, because if you didn’t get around to it today – it was still going to be summertime tomorrow.

I’ve been thinking about those summers a lot lately, those days of true leisure. Maybe it’s because right now my days are filled with graduate school and my nights are filled with homework -- but I’m longing for that feeling of slow-ness.

This is something I try my best to focus on: slowing down and being content in the moment. I even made it my New Year’s resolution to try to be more present, less in a rush. In January, I said I wanted to live simply and deliberately. I feel like I’m doing pretty well with living simply – but I’ll admit that living deliberately could use a little work.

So in honor of Annie’s revisit to her resolutions and of all of those childhood summers gone by, I’ve come up with a list to help me live more deliberately this summer – to really slow down, take care of myself and soak up every bit of the season.

01. Pick berries. I’m not one to get preachy about eating local – but there’s just something about picking your own fruit during the summer. Whether you can it, cook it or eat it still standing in the field – it’s gratification that can’t be found in a plastic container. (PS: If you don’t know of anywhere that has wild berries, every state has listings of you-pick farms.)

02. Make homemade ice cream. Or homemade popsicles. Or both. Preferably to be eaten outside, after a late meal, near a body of water.


03. Hone my sewing skills, to be reserved for rainy afternoons indoors. I always have intentions of making homemade gifts for birthdays and holidays – but my inability to master a sewing machine gets in the way. So in preparation for the countless baby showers and birthdays that I have coming up, I want to take on a few summer projects.

04. Start a morning running routine. Because I want to become more of a morning person – but mostly because the thought of running outside, during the day, in Alabama’s summer heat makes me want to curl up and wait inside until October.

05. Take weekend road trips. To the beach, to the lake, to a friend’s pool, to a food festival, to a historical landmark, to another state just for the fun of it, to anywhere -- it’s okay, as long as the windows are down.

stepping out: annie.

 {annie from annie's musings}

Next up is Annie -- yes, yes, we share a name -- a college student in Michigan. (Isn't it funny where the blog world takes you?) I love what she has to say about stepping out this summer, and I'm inclined to join her in taking some steps of my own. I've found a kindred spirit in her, and I think you will too. 

---

at the time that i'm writing this, i've finished a busy day of preparation for my brother's high school graduation party and i'm planning on helping host a cookout with my roommates in a couple days. i've burned my nose - like every summer - and my right shoulder - that part's new - while hanging out on the beach at lake michigan with two sweet friends of mine. i'm technically on my own for the first time, because while i've been across the state from my hometown for college the past two years, this summer i stayed to work instead of going home, and i'm not living on campus anymore.

i realized as i dusted the piano today that, being as introverted as i am, i am not good at hospitality when it involves a great number of people. i love having friends over individually or in pairs, but i tend to draw the line at more than four or five at a time. so the idea of my brother's grad party tomorrow and the cookout in a few days, particularly since i'm not going to know quite a few people at both these events, is making me want to spend the time in a closet with some m&m's, my ipod, and a good book.

despite being an introvert, i made two very good friends in spanish my first year of college, and they are the ones who have made lake michigan and i acquaintances. we headed out there a couple days ago, and i spent the entire day trying to reconcile our time at the beach with the fact that i was still in michigan. i grew up on the east side of the state. the closest body of water to my house is the detroit river, and nobody swims in that. the only time i go to the beach is when i'm in honduras, or once on a mission trip to the bahamas.

as for leaving home? well, when i initially left for college, i thought i'd stepped into unfamiliarity. little did i know that not even two full years later unfamiliarity would increase in size and shape from my small, rectangular campus to a large city to whose shape geometry has not yet given a name.

all that to say, i've formulated a goal for the summer: to step outside my comfort zone.

this means attending and enjoying p's grad party and the cookout with my roommates and our friends - and maybe even repeating the latter. it means going to the beach with my friends m & l as many times as we can manage it this summer, with my family when they visit, and with other friends, too. it means acclimating to my new city, in ways as simple as getting over the fact that since target is over fifteen minutes away and a kroger is nowhere to be found, i will have to shop at meijer, and in ways as profound as getting involved in the church community i've chosen even though it'll force me to get over being shy.

it means i go to the beach, occasionally make the unwise choice of forgetting to wear sunscreen because i never burn in michigan, ever, and end up with a burnt nose and right shoulder, and the fervent wish that i had put on the sunscreen and since i didn't, that i had some aloe.

it means on some afternoons, i find something else to do besides read a book.

it means remembering that if home is where the heart is, my heart should be found in His hands.

those are my summer plans.

what are yours?

summertime to-dos: jessica.

{jessica from monster-cakes}

Friends: I'm headed out on a little vacation this week, so I thought it would be the perfect time to introduce you to some of my favorite bloggers. While I'm enjoying the sun and surf (and a few good books), my friends are taking over and sharing some of their plans for a fun-filled summer. First up is Jessica, a lovely fashion/lifestyle blogger and someone I'm happy to call a "real-life" friend. She's got some fabulous and fun ideas for brightening up summer days -- on the cheap! I know you'll love her as much as I do. Enjoy!

---

Hello new friends! My name is Jessica Zigenis, and you can usually find me over at my blog, Monster Cakes, rambling about life with my husband and wild pups. While Annie is off taking a much needed vacation, I am the lucky duck that gets to take over her blog for today. I'm excited to meet all you Turning Pages fans, because any friend of Annie's is a friend of mine. Annie's blog is one of the first blogs I read each day, and she is an inspiration to me and someone I now call friend. Enough jabber. Let's get to it.

Now that summer is finally making an appearance in good ol' Oregon, I decided to make a list of summer musts. Only my list doesn't include exotic trips to Jamaica or a weekend at the Hamptons. You see, while my hubs is working his handsome tush off as a full-time student and volunteer fireman, I'm busy bringing home the bacon. And as it turns out, I don't bring home that much bacon. Which is fine, because who needs bacon anyway? It's greasy and gross. All we need is love baby. So my list, dear friends, is a silly list of creative summer musts that require just one thing: love.

1. Build more forts on movie night. Movies are much better when watched under a tent of blankets. I promise.

2. Bust out the vintage bike my father-in-law refurbished for me and ride to the farmer's market on Fridays. If I can't afford the produce, the veggies will at least make gorgeous pictures.

3. Take a drive and get lost on purpose. Oregon has endless country roads filled with vineyards and orchards. I need to schedule some time in to slow down and take in the beauty.

4. Send a friend, a stranger, or a far away relative a note once a week. Snail mail makes my heart go thump. And there's something so satisfying in making someone else's day.

5. Make it a summer mission to concoct the perfect and strangest smoothie together. Things could get real weird real quick up in our kitchen.

6. Be still and know that He is God. Take walks. Without my ipod. Just let Him speak.

7. Have a post-it joke competition with the hubs. Who can leave the funniest joke in the most random place just waiting to be discovered? Winner gets to watch the other person pee their pants from laughing too hard.

8. Switch things up and have a breakfast date on our rare days off together. French press + waffles + sunrise + my lover = bliss.

9. Go on garage sale hunts and see who can score the coolest item for a dollar. Let the games begin.

10. Spice up a BBQ with friends by including a water fight (supply guns and balloons) in the festivities.

Who knew that being broke would get the creative juices flowing and be so much fun?

I wish you all a wild, unpredictable, adventurous, smile-filled, memorable summer friends. And I hope you'll come visit me again soon.

a guest post.

{photo by KYGP via Bippity Boppity Boo}

Every Thursday night, I head over for dinner at my aunt and uncle's (and aunt and grandma's) house. They feed me, and in turn, I teach my younger cousin the joys of the English language. You could say it's one of my favorite days of the week.

Last week, she wrote a particularly well-done piece on a poem she'd read in literature class. She shared her reflections on faith, and we both agreed: The result was blog worthy. I promised her a little space on my corner of the internet to share her story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, and I hope you'll give her a warm reception. I think we can all agree: Blogging for all the world to read is very brave indeed.

 ---

Let us die climbing. When this little while
Lies far behind us, and the last defile
Is all alight, and in that light we see
Our Leader and our Lord, what will it be?

The Last Defile 

In class, we read “The Last Defile,” by Amy Carmichael. The poem was about life to death, and what we think Heaven will be like. “The Last Defile” really made me think about the Christian journey.

As people on earth, we are followers of Christ. Followers are believers and servants. We're brothers and sisters in Christ who believe in the same God, and we're servants who share the good news by doing good work in the name of Him.Being with fellow Christians can help you and help them in their spiritual walk with God. Sometimes bad things happen, and being with others can be uplifting. God is with you all the time. He always knows when you need a hand.

Life is short, but that can’t stop us from sharing God’s word to others. If someone is struggling, you can pray with and for them. Also, you can share some Bible verses with someone who would like to be a believer. Bringing someone to know Him is the best thing you can do.

When we die, we will wait for judgment day. Judgment day will tell you if you are going to be with Him in Heaven or go to live with Satan. Living with God in heaven will be an eternal life. I hope that others will share His word, so we can all be together.

I am a sheep and the Lord is my shepherd. So love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.

--

You can find Caroline's other musings and her own blog, here. My favorite post she's written (also a school assignment) can be found here.

an unauthorized guest post.

My brother didn't know he'd be guest posting on my blog today, but he is.

Chet has been interning at a church in Memphis this summer, and his ability to verbalize his experiences absolutely wows me. I love that kid.

I'll be back this afternoon with some regularly scheduled inspiration, but until then, read Chet's latest post about the youth group's recent trip to inner city Atlanta. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

---

"Because it is easy to love when you’re loved back. It’s easy to hug children who hug back. It’s easy to give a meal to man who is starving. It’s easy to pour yourself out to people who want to be filled. But loving when you don’t get loved back is difficult. Planting seeds when you may never know if those seeds grow into something beautiful or fall by the way side is hard. There is no closure .... And here, we catch a glimpse of our heavenly Father. A Father who loves us when we do not love back."

a rare guest post: from offices to workstations.

I come from a long family of readers and writers. My father is no exception, so when he offered this guest post marking his recent move from an office to a cubicle, I couldn't refuse. It's a nice reminder, to see where my dad came from and where he is now. So, enjoy! (And comment. I promise I'll comment if your dad ever writes a blog. And maybe, just maybe, I will send you something nice in the mail if you leave a nice note here. I'm just saying.)

--

I guess this would be a blog if I were a blogger. But I’m not a blogger, but I know someone who is, and I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, which makes me even more qualified to blog about what I’m about to blog about. (Not really, but I needed to demonstrate the quirky humor that may follow throughout this blog… or not.) Now, some might theorize that to be a blogger, one might need his or her own blog site upon which to blog. I don’t have my own, but like I said: I know someone who does. This, then would be considered a “guest blog.” Right?

The organization for which I work moved today. That’s the premise upon which I find myself, a non-blogger, to be motivated to blog. I’m male and such things shouldn’t conjure up sentimental thoughts, but in the quiet of my packed up office, I couldn’t help it.

You’ll soon conclude that I have some “age” on me. Maybe another reason why I don’t blog, but I have been known in the past to be a decent writer. So, this move made me start thinking about all the offices I’ve ever had. You’ll understand why as you mature in the reading of this missive.

My first office was one of a middle school physical education teacher. Not far off the “multi-purpose room” that some would call a gymnasium, it served three or more teachers. I had a desk and maybe a file drawer in a file cabinet that served all the physical education teachers. This was my first job out of college, and I felt proud: a desk (I interpreted that to be an office) at which I would evaluate my students and occasionally hold a conference with a parent. The older, more experienced teachers didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm for their desks.

My next office is the one for which I have the fondest memories. It was the office of the head basketball coach at the high school across the street from the middle school where my first desk was. Ah… I can still smell in my mind’s nose the aromas of the high school gymnasium. Well, almost. My office was at the end of the gym; was actually the storage room for the basketball team but I converted it into an office. I didn’t want to share an office with the other athletic coaches; I wanted to be in the gym. After all, that was where I had spent the better part of my time from junior high through college and, that was where my players hung out! In that converted storage room, I proudly hung my awards and pictures of days associated with the Florida State University basketball team and my autographed picture of John Wooden. It, my office, was a coach's paradise and any aspiring high school basketball player must have been impressed by the adrenaline that flowed through that office, as it were.

However, the adrenaline eventually slowed and the wins weren’t enough. My next office was one of an assistant manager for a major building materials retailer. That office was an actual office! It wasn’t a storage room, and it wasn’t a desk. It was an office, a place where applicants would be interviewed, subordinates would be evaluated or counseled, where merchandising ideas were created, where organizational structures were developed, where great retail minds would collaborate. Or, at least, that’s what I thought after spending 10 months in a manager’s training program without a place to call an office. And, it was “upstairs” where I could look out on “my domain.” But after a successful stint as an assistant manager, the company promoted me to store manager. I was thinking about that bigger manager’s office, upstairs. But, alas, the store to which I was assigned in another city was a little newer and downsized a little and had no “upstairs!” I was bummed! But, I had the manager’s office; that’s where the buck stopped; that’s where the decisions are made; that’s where the district manager chews on the store manager. But I was fortunate to be a manager in 3 locations for that company, one of which was back at the store with the upstairs office. By the time I got back to it, I dreaded going up those blasted stairs 70 times a day!

My last office with this company is particularly memorable. I had 2 phones; one was primarily for transmitting inventory orders to the company's distribution center on a weekly basis. But it was through this office door a beautiful woman walked in 1982. I had met her before and during one of our initial conversations she mentioned (likely story) that she was having trouble with a lock on her apartment. Having difficulty concentrating on the conversation because of her beauty, I told her to come by the store and I'd see if I could help. Into my office she walked one day while I was on hold on one of the phones. I quickly picked up the other phone and, with one on the left ear and one of the right, I alternately said, "Buy, sell, buy, sell!" She must have thought I was a real wheeler and dealer because in a matter of 4 months we were married!

After eleven years in retail and countless trips up those dadgum stairs, it was on to public service. Now government knows a little something about offices! My first office had a sign on it that said, “Bureau Chief.” How could anyone but the governor be more important? It was not only labeled impressive but it was big enough for a couch. I didn’t have one, but it was big enough for one. And next door was the “Division Director.”

Could I ever have that office? Yes, I could and yes, I did. But, just as I did obtain that office, the bureaucracy reorganized. My division was combined with another one, and I was a bureau chief again but in the division director’s office! How cool was that?! I really liked that job and that office. But soon Who Moved the Cheese came along and my cheese moved… Change was on the horizon. I ended up in a similar position but called something else (only in government) in another agency: the one I’m now with about 23 years after coming to public service. My office was in one of the “newer” buildings (1990s). Government and legislatures are always putting its workers into smaller and smaller spaces. But, my office was okay. It had a modular work surface/desk/file drawers/computer space. It was a far cry from the middle school P.E. teacher’s desk in a group office to be sure. Fifteen other people report either directly or indirectly to me. My office has a round table in it where me and 2 or 3 other people can hold a meeting privately. Nine years has allowed me to grow very comfortable with that office, and in it I’ve learned to apply so many management principles.

The organization for which I work moved today. That’s the premise upon which I find myself, a non-blogger, to be motivated to blog. I’m male and such things shouldn’t conjure up sentimental thoughts but in the quiet of my packed up office, I couldn’t help it. My new professional home is a 96 inch square cubicle. After inserting the sterile, space efficient modular “workstation,” I have about 36 inches in which to turn around in my chair. My fifteen staff are in identical cubicles. Some of them are young people. I hope they have the opportunity to experience a myriad of office types in their careers. Each one of mine brings back so many memories. Maybe this one will too.

a guest post.

An email from the hubs.

Five years ago,

1) It was a Wednesday night.

2) Jordan Jones and Annie Butterworth were in the throes of a brutal and humiliating pledge week, which including the forgoing of makeup and the eating of dirt.

3) Jordan Jones had a crush on Annie Butterworth. Unfortunately, so did half of the male students at Faulkner.

4) Fortunately, one night earlier, Jordan had had the guts, wherewithal, and foresight to rush up the steps of the Bible building at Faulkner right after pledge activities had finished, to ask Annie out on a mandatory pledge week date.

5) Jordan prepared a piece of gum, which he presented to Annie in light of their date.

6) Jordan and Annie proceeded to a quite conservative Wednesday night church service, where they discussed who were among their best friends. Although neither had known the other for more than 2 months, each put the other at the top of their friend list.

7) Jordan enjoyed his date with Annie, while another girl, Nikki Scott, was not so lucky. She was relegated to the corner of the classroom with another of Kappa's pledges.

8) Jordan was beginning to realize that, if he played his cards right, he just might have a future with this intriguing woman named Annie.

And the rest, as they say, is history. Yes, 5 years ago, the world was a much simpler place. Auburn was 13-0. Both Annie and Jordan enjoyed their simple lives, which consisted of little more than going to class, sleeping, and hanging out. There was no law school. There was no 9-5. There was no thought of school payments, or of light bills, or of marriage, or of where one's next meal would come from.

But 5 years ago, Jordan and Annie's story was 5 years less what it is today. There had been no incident at the rock. No broken glasses. No flung hats. No proposal with Converse tennis shoes. No mud incidents. No quirky dates. No handshakes. And so began the adventure that would grow into a long, fun, quirky, and happy relationship. Jordan and Annie. Here's to 5 more.

Jordan

P.S.--Doesn't this sound like a blog?!