on birth order + the Myers-Briggs.

{yes, this is a photo of the olsen sisters. from here.}

Jordan and I are big believers in the power of birth order.

We’ve skimmed the books, done research online, and observed plenty of family members and friends. Sure, neither one of us is a psychologist or licensed counselor, but in our humble opinions, this birth order stuff is for real, and the longer I work and the more people I meet, the more I wish we all walked around with two pieces of information bound across our heads: 1) the results of our Myers-Briggs tests, and 2) whether we’re eldest, middle, youngest, or only siblings.

Have you taken the Myers-Briggs? (There’s a free, online version available here.) We had to take the test as part of our freshman orientation class in college, and I cannot tell you how invaluable my results have been to me over the years. In fact, of all the things I learned in college, that might be one of the most helpful. Thanks to my Myers-Briggs results, I can better understand why I am the way that I am.

According to Wikipedia, my results can be broken down as follows:

Introversion preferred to extraversion.

INTJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).

Intuition preferred to sensing.

INTJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.

Thinking preferred to feeling.

INTJs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.

Judgment preferred to perception.

INTJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability, which to perceptive types may seem limiting.

As an INTJ, I know I lose energy from being around people. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy parties or gatherings or friends; it just means when the parties and the get-togethers are over, you can find me asleep on the couch or staring silently in a corner. (Jordan, an ENTJ, comes home full of energy and ready to talk about it all. Our differences in the introvert vs. extrovert debate contribute to a lot of discussions at home; the fact that I know he is an ENTJ helps us better figure out why one of us is upset or tired or excited or hopeful.) I also know I function better with a plan; I like to know deadlines in advance, and I'm okay with not always knowing the exact answer to any particular problem. I'm analytical and creative and work well by myself. (It's why I function best with a boss who gives me a task, then leaves me alone to do the work.)

When I was a little girl, my grandfather told my mother that he knew I was smart because I was content to not have all the answers, and I was comfortable going to look for them. I'm confident in my abilities and capable in leadership positions. I'm also demanding in what I expect of people (oh, so true!), and I take a while to warm up to others. (Knowing this about myself helps me keep these parts of myself in check; I don't always handle my relationships with grace, and I'm working on it.) As a result, I am terrible at small talk, which makes me a terrible bore at cocktail parties and work functions. Networking, despite my best efforts over the years, is a loathsome task I've pretty much given up hope of ever perfecting or enjoying.

I'm independent and wary of authority based on tradition, rank or title. I'm not big in showing my emotions (though this has changed slightly over the years), but I'm loyal to those I love. My home and family are extremely important to me, and life is good when those two things are under control.

Do you see how helpful Myers-Briggs results would be in getting to know a person? Knowing Jordan's personality type helps in arguments and discussions; it doesn't hurt that we're very similar and therefore know when to take it easy on the other. I can see how Myers-Briggs results would be especially beneficial in an office setting. In fact, if I were ever to become a manager of some kind (a role that my personality would probably thrive in), I'd love to have employees take the Myers-Briggs. Wouldn't it be helpful to know how best to manage a certain personality type? Wouldn't it be beneficial to know the girl standing in the corner isn't a terrible communicator, she's just introverted? Wouldn't it help to know who thrives with a boss who's hands-off versus who needs a little bit more guidance or input? In church, wouldn't it be helpful to have the same type of information? We would know so much more about each other and why we do the things we do.

I believe birth order functions in the same way. As an eldest child, I'm responsible and reliable; I'm a natural leader and rule-follower. I'm also bossy and tend to be hard on myself and on others. As a kid, I was punished differently from my younger brother because I was already pretty tough on myself. I beat myself up enough. Just the other day, I was running late to work and had to call my boss to let her know I wouldn't be in until 9:00. At 9:01, as I sat quietly preparing for the day, my boss came by and chided me, half-jokingly. "Tsk, tsk," she said, and you know what? It was devastating. I'd already beaten myself up enough. I didn't need an additional reprimand. If I'd had "eldest sibling" tattooed across my forehead, she would have known that really, no punishment (no matter how slight) was needed.

 Jordan, too, is an eldest sibling, which means we can butt heads with one another. We both tend to be stubborn and think our way is the better way. We've also noticed that since we've known each other, we'll each take turns fulfilling the "younger sibling" role. For example, Jordan is a rather extreme rule-follower. In marriage, I tend to be the more easy going of the two of us in that area, often urging Jordan to be a little bit more lax. Otherwise, we might drive each other crazy.

Growing up, my friends were all youngest and only siblings. We meshed well together, probably because I was a little bit bossy and a lot organized, while my friends were content to go with the flow and would encourage me toward spontaneity. In college, I gravitated toward eldest siblings, and we joke now that in our entire group of friends from college, there's not one youngest sibling among them. As a result, we all travel really well together — we've got a lot of planners and organizers — and it's fairly easy to gather together every few months or so because we're all pretty loyal and determined to make things happen.

I'm curious, then, to know what my blog readers and friends are. Have you taken the Myers-Briggs? What were your results? Do you think they're accurate? Are you an eldest, youngest, or only sibling? Do you think that's shaped your personality at all?

* Update: Those of you interested in birth order might enjoy reading Kevin Leman's The Birth Order Book. I haven't read the whole thing, but what I have read is pretty fascinating. Let me know what you think!