I don't really know what to say, except maybe pictures don't tell the whole story.
My life has been in a constant state of limbo these past two months, and I'd like to believe there's light at the end of the tunnel, but really? I'm afraid it's only just begun. And the pictures I post to Instagram don't really do the story justice. They don't adequately define the tears or the tantrums, the joys or the frustrations. They are, really, such a very small depiction of what my life has been like, what becoming a store owner has looked like.
In short: It is hard.
I am, potentially, inheriting someone else's business, which means I have leeway in some things, and no say in others. I am working harder than I think I have ever worked in my life. It has been grueling, both physically and mentally, and on top of it all, there have been goodbyes to say. Goodbyes that, quite frankly, I simply wasn't ready to say.
The support system Jordan and I crafted so carefully when we moved to Tallahassee is beginning to unravel, and I find myself without nearby friends to rely on during this extremely difficult transition. My family and Jordan have been crucial to this entire decision-making process, and a couple of Sundays ago, when my parents and my aunt and uncle and my cousin and Jordan gathered inside the store to help install shelves and hang pictures, I thought: This is the only way to do this. I can only do this with my people.
And I've had to say goodbye to some of my people embarking on adventures of their own, and that's been hard, and sad, and I've called my mother in tears more times than I'd like to admit because I'm just struggling right now. Things are just hard.
I have so much to say -- thoughts on friendship, sweat equity, marriage, books, store ownership -- but I haven't had the time or the energy to say it. So consider this my reentry back into the world of words. I've missed it so much, and I think my hands are finally ready to type out the thoughts that have been milling about without a home for too long.
Here's to sharing stories, even when it's hard.