Friday, August 14, 2009

temporarily.

I'm sorry... I found this somewhere, and I don't know where...


I don’t mean to get all depressed about my job, but some days, I just do.

I was running around this morning, when I had one of those, “How did I get here?” moments.

And I know.

I know this will not last forever.

That this too will pass.

That this job is but a blip.

That it is temporary.

But some days

It feels so very permanent.

As if I will never get out of here.

As if my years of dreaming will be a waste.

As if my education and the money spent on it is meaningless.

And I know that grad school is right around the corner.

But I wonder.

Will that really change things?

Or will I still be this lost little girl

Wondering just when it is the world will show her what it has in store?

The funny thing is, as a little girl, I knew right what I wanted to be.

And I went for it.

And now here I sit.

Wondering, at 23, just where my life/hopes/dreams went

Career-speaking, of course.

Because, I like being a wife

And one day I do want to be a really great mom

But right now, I’d really like a job

That utilizes my talent

That makes me feel good about my place on this earth

Is that too much to ask for

During this stage of my life?

I don’t know.

I see other people who seem pretty happy in their job.

But it's hard to know if everyone I see is faking it.

I have a friend who fakes it (quite convincingly) every day.

Who pretends she loves her job

Pretends it’s what she wants to be doing

She told me she’s just holding out for when she has babies

Well, I don’t want to do that.

I don’t want to fake it.

And like I said, children would be nice, one day.

But right now, I like just me and Jordan.

And I’d like to think that there’s something out there for me

Before babies.

Because I’m young.

And smart.

And capable.

And I promise,

I’m not afraid of hard work.

So, please

Isn’t there something out there for me?

Do I really have to keep waiting?

Because this temporary

Can feel so permanent.

Especially when others around me seem to have found

Just what it is I'm looking for.


3 comments:

katie said...

I totally empathize. I'm faking it and wish I was doing something I loved and went to school for.

Brooke Premo said...

Oh, internet best friend. I wish we lived in the same city so we could go through all these same things together. Then we could write a book about it!

I was reading about Joseph in Genesis the other day and I was all, "ugh, just because he's a descendent of Isaac he gets all the blessings and every stinkin' thing he does flippin' prospers."

But then I read how he was in jail for something he didn't do for years. Then later he ran all of Egypt for Pharaoh!

But I too, am in my "sitting in the jail not using your talents" phase and it is royally stinky.

I just have to keep repeating, "God's timing is perfect, God's timing is perfect."


Sorry this is so long!

Sarah Robins said...

I feel ya, sister. Every day!

And why do people think we just want to have babies and that's the ONLY thing we want?