I don’t mean to get all depressed about my job, but some days, I just do.
But some days
It feels so very permanent.
As if I will never get out of here.
As if my years of dreaming will be a waste.
As if my education and the money spent on it is meaningless.
And I know that grad school is right around the corner.
The funny thing is, as a little girl, I knew right what I wanted to be.
And I went for it.
And now here I sit.
Wondering, at 23, just where my life/hopes/dreams went
Career-speaking, of course.
Because, I like being a wife
And one day I do want to be a really great mom
But right now, I’d really like a job
That utilizes my talent
That makes me feel good about my place on this earth
Is that too much to ask for
During this stage of my life?
I don’t know.
I see other people who seem pretty happy in their job.
But it's hard to know if everyone I see is faking it.
I have a friend who fakes it (quite convincingly) every day.
She told me she’s just holding out for when she has babies
Well, I don’t want to do that.
I don’t want to fake it.
And like I said, children would be nice, one day.
But right now, I like just me and Jordan.
And I’d like to think that there’s something out there for me
Before babies.
Because I’m young.
And smart.
And capable.
And I promise,
I’m not afraid of hard work.
So, please
Isn’t there something out there for me?
Do I really have to keep waiting?
Because this temporary
Can feel so permanent.
Especially when others around me seem to have found
Just what it is I'm looking for.
3 comments:
I totally empathize. I'm faking it and wish I was doing something I loved and went to school for.
Oh, internet best friend. I wish we lived in the same city so we could go through all these same things together. Then we could write a book about it!
I was reading about Joseph in Genesis the other day and I was all, "ugh, just because he's a descendent of Isaac he gets all the blessings and every stinkin' thing he does flippin' prospers."
But then I read how he was in jail for something he didn't do for years. Then later he ran all of Egypt for Pharaoh!
But I too, am in my "sitting in the jail not using your talents" phase and it is royally stinky.
I just have to keep repeating, "God's timing is perfect, God's timing is perfect."
Sorry this is so long!
I feel ya, sister. Every day!
And why do people think we just want to have babies and that's the ONLY thing we want?
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