Thursday, September 4, 2008

Ah, the memories

I have this terrible habit of letting happy thoughts about the past turn into sad ones about the present.

I had a wonderful college experience. Most definitely not perfect (although sometimes I think I must have blocked out those handful of not-so-great moments and put on my rose-colored lenses), but everything I had hoped it would be. Now, eight months into the “real world,” I sometimes experience these waves of discontentment. You know, when what starts out as a happy, brief glance into a college memory turns into an irrational “How in the world did I get here?!” rant.

Today I came across my university’s latest issue of its student newspaper. Oh, how I miss it! And while glancing through its pages, I remembered (and, pardon me if this sounds boastful) how good I was at what I did. I labored over that paper. We’re talking hours upon hours of work for each issue. And I loved every stinking minute. (Yes, even the ones that hurt my feelings and my pride.) Looking through the pages of the Spire not only made me miss my little labor of love, it made me miss my school. I miss the people and the little life I created (or rather, God provided) there. I miss the homework—truly, I do—I miss the community of faith and of friends. I miss the dialogue that surrounded me. My heart truly aches just thinking about it!

Which leads me to my point: why does my heart have to ache? Most days, I’m perfectly happy right where I am, right where I’m trusting God has planted me. But some days… I just miss what used to be.

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis warns us that Satan can use days just like these to cause us to stumble. The fact of the matter is that looking back and looking forward always leave us missing out on one very important thing: what’s right in front of us.

Today, I’m not at Faulkner University. I’m at Florida Healthy Kids. I have a nice job with nice people, a beautiful tree outside my window, and a fiancĂ© in law school (he’s part of Faulkner that I get to take with me everywhere!). I attend a growing church, and even though I don’t feel like I’m necessarily part of a close-knit community of faith, with prayer, I think it will come.

God blessed me greatly in the past, far more than I deserved, and I know He’ll continue to do so in the future. What I tend to forget is that He’s doing it right now. I just need to start paying attention.

No comments: