Monday, November 10, 2014

spoken in the shop, vol. 19.



On going vegetarian
"Is there such a thing as vegan cheese?"

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On appropriate phone salutations
"Hel- *cough, cough* -lo? Sorry. I got choked up on my own saliva."

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On life as a #bossgirl
90-year-old man to me: "Where's your boss?"
Me: "Actually, I'm the boss!"
Man: "How does an 8-year-old girl run a business?"

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On rush hour
Customer: "When's your busiest time of the week?"
Me: "Today. Saturdays are always busy!"
Customer: "Well there's no one here."

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On advice, part i.
Older female customer: "You have the prettiest hands. I hope you take care of them."
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On advice, part ii.
Customer: "I see you're carrying X's book."
Me: "Why yes we are! He's been so pleasant to work with!"
Customer: "Well, you're nice if you're a female who chooses to work with X."
Me, confused.
Customer: "I just mean, if X were to invite you to his library, the books wouldn't be the only things he'd check out."

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On Taylor Swift
Male customer: "So you guys really must like Taylor Swift. She's been on every time I've come in the store."
Me: "Oh, sorry about that. We kind of love her. Don't worry, though. We might be over it next week."
Male customer: "No, what's really scary is I know all the words to like half of these songs."

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On how Olivia Pope affects all of us
Male customer: "I need something new to read. Nothing too scandalous; my life's scandalous enough."

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On fame and fortune
Little boy with young adult novel, Star Attraction: "Daddy, I found a book!"
Dad: "You did? What kind of a book is it?"
Little boy, flipping pages: "It has WORDS!"

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On deals and steals
Young boy runs through store. Mother follows behind: "He's free to a good home."

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On relationship upgrades
Male customer, standing next to girlfriend: "You guys don't happen to sell nicer girlfriends here, do you?"
Me: "No." To girl: "And we don't sell nicer boyfriends either."

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On record deals
Manager, singing quietly in the store.
Customer, peeking from behind corner: "I'd sign you!"

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On Amazon maybe being the better choice for some people
Me to customer: "Are you finding everything okay today?"
Customer: "Everything but the prices."
Me, confused: "Oh, I'm sorry. They're all on the back of the books."
Customer: "No, no. I know where the prices are. You asked if they were okay."

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On erotica knowing no age boundaries
Female customer: "I'm looking for a book for my 80-year-old brother."
Manager: "Well, what does he like?"
Customer: "His favorite book is Fifty Shades of Grey."

2 comments:

Annie said...

I cannot believe a customer called you an 8-year-old! That's ridiculous.

"Customer: 'I just mean, if X were to invite you to his library, the books wouldn't be the only things he'd check out.'" <-- I died laughing.

On relationship upgrades: kudos to you on that response!

I will never understand people who don't find books worth the investment. I love a good deal on them myself, but I think what you learn from reading a good book is far and away worth more than you paid for it in the first place!

lauren zumwalt said...

I'm so glad to find your blog. We are retiring soon & moving "back home" to a smaller town & starting a new business. Exciting & oh so scary at the same time! Your eloquent words inspire & give comfort that this is going to be okay. If you have time, check out our story at rasberrygreene.com . Blessings to you!
Lauren Zumwalt
Lauren.zumwalt@gmail.com