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On going vegetarian
"Is there such a thing as vegan cheese?"
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On appropriate phone salutations
On life as a #bossgirl
90-year-old man to me: "Where's your boss?"
Me: "Actually, I'm the boss!"
Man: "How does an 8-year-old girl run a business?"
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On rush hour
Customer: "When's your busiest time of the week?"
Me: "Today. Saturdays are always busy!"
Customer: "Well there's no one here."
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On advice, part i.
Older female customer: "You have the prettiest hands. I hope you take care of them."
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On advice, part ii.
Customer: "I see you're carrying X's book."
Me: "Why yes we are! He's been so pleasant to work with!"
Customer: "Well, you're nice if you're a female who chooses to work with X."
Me, confused.
Customer: "I just mean, if X were to invite you to his library, the books wouldn't be the only things he'd check out."
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On Taylor Swift
Male customer: "So you guys really must like Taylor Swift. She's been on every time I've come in the store."
Me: "Oh, sorry about that. We kind of love her. Don't worry, though. We might be over it next week."
Male customer: "No, what's really scary is I know all the words to like half of these songs."
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On how Olivia Pope affects all of us
Male customer: "I need something new to read. Nothing too scandalous; my life's scandalous enough."
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On fame and fortune
Little boy with young adult novel, Star Attraction: "Daddy, I found a book!"
Dad: "You did? What kind of a book is it?"
Little boy, flipping pages: "It has WORDS!"
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On deals and steals
Young boy runs through store. Mother follows behind: "He's free to a good home."
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On relationship upgrades
Male customer, standing next to girlfriend: "You guys don't happen to sell nicer girlfriends here, do you?"
Me: "No." To girl: "And we don't sell nicer boyfriends either."
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On record deals
Manager, singing quietly in the store.
Customer, peeking from behind corner: "I'd sign you!"
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On Amazon maybe being the better choice for some people
Me to customer: "Are you finding everything okay today?"
Customer: "Everything but the prices."
Me, confused: "Oh, I'm sorry. They're all on the back of the books."
Customer: "No, no. I know where the prices are. You asked if they were okay."
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On erotica knowing no age boundaries
Female customer: "I'm looking for a book for my 80-year-old brother."
Manager: "Well, what does he like?"
Customer: "His favorite book is Fifty Shades of Grey."
"Hel- *cough, cough* -lo? Sorry. I got choked up on my own saliva."
|||On life as a #bossgirl
90-year-old man to me: "Where's your boss?"
Me: "Actually, I'm the boss!"
Man: "How does an 8-year-old girl run a business?"
|||
On rush hour
Customer: "When's your busiest time of the week?"
Me: "Today. Saturdays are always busy!"
Customer: "Well there's no one here."
|||
On advice, part i.
Older female customer: "You have the prettiest hands. I hope you take care of them."
|||
On advice, part ii.
Customer: "I see you're carrying X's book."
Me: "Why yes we are! He's been so pleasant to work with!"
Customer: "Well, you're nice if you're a female who chooses to work with X."
Me, confused.
Customer: "I just mean, if X were to invite you to his library, the books wouldn't be the only things he'd check out."
|||
On Taylor Swift
Male customer: "So you guys really must like Taylor Swift. She's been on every time I've come in the store."
Me: "Oh, sorry about that. We kind of love her. Don't worry, though. We might be over it next week."
Male customer: "No, what's really scary is I know all the words to like half of these songs."
|||
On how Olivia Pope affects all of us
Male customer: "I need something new to read. Nothing too scandalous; my life's scandalous enough."
|||
On fame and fortune
Little boy with young adult novel, Star Attraction: "Daddy, I found a book!"
Dad: "You did? What kind of a book is it?"
Little boy, flipping pages: "It has WORDS!"
|||
On deals and steals
Young boy runs through store. Mother follows behind: "He's free to a good home."
|||
On relationship upgrades
Male customer, standing next to girlfriend: "You guys don't happen to sell nicer girlfriends here, do you?"
Me: "No." To girl: "And we don't sell nicer boyfriends either."
|||
On record deals
Manager, singing quietly in the store.
Customer, peeking from behind corner: "I'd sign you!"
|||
On Amazon maybe being the better choice for some people
Me to customer: "Are you finding everything okay today?"
Customer: "Everything but the prices."
Me, confused: "Oh, I'm sorry. They're all on the back of the books."
Customer: "No, no. I know where the prices are. You asked if they were okay."
|||
On erotica knowing no age boundaries
Female customer: "I'm looking for a book for my 80-year-old brother."
Manager: "Well, what does he like?"
Customer: "His favorite book is Fifty Shades of Grey."
2 comments:
I cannot believe a customer called you an 8-year-old! That's ridiculous.
"Customer: 'I just mean, if X were to invite you to his library, the books wouldn't be the only things he'd check out.'" <-- I died laughing.
On relationship upgrades: kudos to you on that response!
I will never understand people who don't find books worth the investment. I love a good deal on them myself, but I think what you learn from reading a good book is far and away worth more than you paid for it in the first place!
I'm so glad to find your blog. We are retiring soon & moving "back home" to a smaller town & starting a new business. Exciting & oh so scary at the same time! Your eloquent words inspire & give comfort that this is going to be okay. If you have time, check out our story at rasberrygreene.com . Blessings to you!
Lauren Zumwalt
Lauren.zumwalt@gmail.com
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