Sunday, September 29, 2013

wrestling with September.


Jordan and I were sitting at lunch today, a rare moment together, just the two of us, and it was like the bottom finally fell out. All our exhaustion, all our to-do lists, all the late nights? We finally realized how they'd begun to add up. We sat there in a stupor, looking at each other, when Jordan finally said what we'd both been thinking: 

Where did September go?

Are we the only ones who feel like the days are flying by, mornings bleeding into afternoons and afternoons into evenings, and before we know it another rotation starts? Where is the time going, and how do I slow it down? 

This month brought us so many happy moments: a friend's Saturday wedding and the return of college football, fall decorating and pumpkin-scented candles, a clean house and a visit from family, the close of One Book 2013 and the start of a new job. But behind those happy memories, hard times linger. Solving staffing issues with the store, juggling various commitments, staying up way past bedtime just to have some semblance of relaxation. 

I haven't finished a book in weeks, and that's generally a pretty good measure of how I'm feeling. 

We are too busy, and the stress of not having my calm and simple life is taking its toll on me. Every ounce of rest and peace we're experiencing, I feel like I have to fight for, and all of the fighting is exhausting. 

Fall is my favorite season, and I am not giving up. I am determined to experience joy in this season, to not let my dream job rob me of my other dream -- the one that involves naps on the couch and sunlight in the windows and long walks in the park. 

September involved a lot more highs than lows. I know this, and I'm glad of it. But I also see the cracks in the surface, and I know: I need October to be better. I need a better balance of life and work. I need to let go, to unclinch my fists and let the store and its growth not eat up my entire existence. 

I'm not sure where September went, but this week, we'll turn the page on our calendars, and I'll turn over a new leaf at the same time. 

That's what the change in seasons is for, isn't it? Fresh starts and bittersweet goodbyes? 

3 comments:

Betsy and Bryan said...

From one kindred spirit to another, I know exactly how you are feeling. My husband and I just had a similar conversation this weekend. Like you and Jordan, we have both been blessed with our dream jobs (as professors), but the hectic nature of our schedules has been running us ragged. At times, it almost seems like relaxation itself is just another thing to check off the to-do list. And I'm tired of it!

This morning I was reading in Priscilla Shirer's The Revolution for Women, and she said something that really struck a chord with me: "Only for the coming year would my husband be exactly like this. Only for these fleeting moments would my children talk, look, and act exactly like this. And if I chose to hurry through them in an attempt to avoid the parts I didn't like, I'd simultaneously miss all the things I did like about the season" (14).

Talk about conviction! I have been so focused on getting past the stressful days, that I think I've forgotten to enjoy the little moments that God has blessed me with along the way. It seems cliché, but I think that I make life more complicated than it should be sometimes. After all, it's not all about the destination but the journey, right?

I'm praying that you and Jordan are able to find rest this coming month, that you are able to truly enjoy the beauty of autumn together.

lacey said...

time is certainly flying by. is it actually october 1st tomorrow? it's funny because only until very recently i was having the opposite problem of you-boredom. i was feeling like my life was in a rut and everything i did was routine. i decided to make some changes and in the last week life has presented many opportunities, and i'm picking up the pace. i think it's awesome you have started this new venture with the bookshop, but definitely make time for you! thanks for your honesty.

Lex C. said...

I'm missing fall in New England so much more than words!! New start and new season is something I definitely believe in. I need to accept that the new season for me is not going to be like back in the states!

Kalo Mina! (Greek for "Happy/Blessed Month!"