Jordan and I were sitting at lunch today, a rare moment together, just the two of us, and it was like the bottom finally fell out. All our exhaustion, all our to-do lists, all the late nights? We finally realized how they'd begun to add up. We sat there in a stupor, looking at each other, when Jordan finally said what we'd both been thinking:
Where did September go?
Are we the only ones who feel like the days are flying by, mornings bleeding into afternoons and afternoons into evenings, and before we know it another rotation starts? Where is the time going, and how do I slow it down?
This month brought us so many happy moments: a friend's Saturday wedding and the return of college football, fall decorating and pumpkin-scented candles, a clean house and a visit from family, the close of One Book 2013 and the start of a new job. But behind those happy memories, hard times linger. Solving staffing issues with the store, juggling various commitments, staying up way past bedtime just to have some semblance of relaxation.
I haven't finished a book in weeks, and that's generally a pretty good measure of how I'm feeling.
We are too busy, and the stress of not having my calm and simple life is taking its toll on me. Every ounce of rest and peace we're experiencing, I feel like I have to fight for, and all of the fighting is exhausting.
Fall is my favorite season, and I am not giving up. I am determined to experience joy in this season, to not let my dream job rob me of my other dream -- the one that involves naps on the couch and sunlight in the windows and long walks in the park.
September involved a lot more highs than lows. I know this, and I'm glad of it. But I also see the cracks in the surface, and I know: I need October to be better. I need a better balance of life and work. I need to let go, to unclinch my fists and let the store and its growth not eat up my entire existence.
I'm not sure where September went, but this week, we'll turn the page on our calendars, and I'll turn over a new leaf at the same time.
That's what the change in seasons is for, isn't it? Fresh starts and bittersweet goodbyes?