saving my life: yoga.

{photo by Sunshel}

A couple of weeks ago, I started doing yoga. 

It's all in the privacy of my own home -- I don't do gyms or studios or anything else, on principle, ever -- and I am sure I look utterly ridiculous doing it, but I needed a fitness goal for April, and I've been feeling all kinds of stressed and overwhelmed, so... yoga it was. 

I try to do the stretches as soon as I get up in the mornings, but occasionally, I pop in the DVD right before bed. And the host is cheesy, and the moves seem silly, but then, all of a sudden, about halfway through: It doesn't feel silly at all. It feels like exactly what I need to be doing. 

Life is overwhelming right now, and I actually think that's okay. Our lives are made up of seasons, and this just happens to be an overwhelming one. Jordan and I have decisions to make on almost every front: job, home, church, friends. In fact, I lamented this week to a friend that I was tired of experiencing major life changes every year. Her response? "Welcome to your 20s."

I've been absent from writing because I don't know where to start. 

So I stretch, because that seems as good a place as any. And I read, and lo and behold, as I'm reading, I discover the meaning of the yoga term "namaste": "The divine in me greets the divine in you."

And I know the word has its roots in Hinduism and Buddhism, but I think I might start saying it in church, just to myself, as I look people in the eye and practice forgiveness over bitterness, because I need to be reminded that God exists in them, too. And maybe if we began to recognize that holiness in each other, we wouldn't keep hurting each other. Wouldn't church be a lovely place to be? 

I do yoga because I am stressed and my back hurts and I am on my feet all day, every day. I do it because these days, I need to remember to breathe, and I need to remember to laugh, and yoga helps with all of that. I need to start and end my days well.

The yoga DVD I practice doesn't really implement the cultural aspects of yoga. Nothing about breathing or namaste-ing. Basically, I'm just learning to touch my toes. 

But the lesson to look for the holy in people is still there, and it's helping. Just like all the other hard things and daily practices, it's making a difference. In its own way, it's saving my life.