Wednesday, December 21, 2011

trying.


I'm trying to persevere today. To find joy when the joy has run a little bit dry.

Tonight we are going on a date. We are looking at Christmas lights, sipping hot chocolate, pretending it's cold.

Yesterday I bought myself a couple of pretty things on deep, deep sale from Anthropologie. (Still 50% off their sale items, folks!) Occasionally, retail therapy works.

Friday, if all remains the same, I'm hosting our family brunch, one of the highlights of last year's Christmas. I'm ready to attempt my dad's delicious sausage and egg casserole, ready to see the looks on my family's faces when they open the gifts I've picked for them.

I am reading a new book and letting myself cry when I need to.

I am listening to Christmas music, to Doris Day and Justin Bieber, to James Taylor and She and Him, to the Carpenters and Wham.

I am dwelling on this scripture: "When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

I'd like to paint my finger nails, to clean up my house, to sit still for just a few minutes in the peace and quiet of our living room.

But those things might not happen, and as we get closer and closer to December 25, I'm realizing that's okay. It's okay. I don't have to do it all. Christmas will still be Christmas.

Today is, literally, the darkest day of the year. But Shauna Niequist reminded me this morning: Things can only get brighter.

They will get brighter.

Baby steps, friends. Baby steps.

8 comments:

Brittany said...

I like this post--a collection of thoughts.

And retail therapy is a very very real thing.

brie. said...

i've only been reading you for about a week - but i feel your words keenly. not because i'm in that place, but because i've been there, and through his grace have entered the next season. it is all redeemed in time.

and painting your nails makes everything better. :)

Mom said...

Crying my eyes out! You amaze me and are my constant reminder of God's deep and abiding love by giving me my wonderful children!!! I love you more than you will ever know!!! Going to post that scripture on the fridge this minute!

The Kikers said...

This cracks me up"pretending it's cold." Merry Christmas Annie!

Syd said...

There is something about the Holiday season that makes it hard to get it all done. Often we have a picture in our heads of what the season "needs" to be like. Unfortunately, we don't allow ourselves to have the reflective moments, relaxation and meditation time that should come during this time. It is so refreshing to read your point of view: to re-focus on what is most important.

TefMarie said...

I felt the same way a couple of days ago. I like your reminders, and I'm pretending it's cold, even up here in Knoxville. I love that scripture.

And I will never tire of Wham's 'Last Christmas.' Never. Thanks for that admission.

Laken said...

I know I've said this before, but I love when I see that your family has commented on a post :)

And I know that you know this, but you're in my prayers friend. I hope you and all of your family has a peaceful and joyful Christmas, in the loud moments and the quiet ones.

Four Flights said...

just checking in to see how you're doing. I hope your Christmas was wonderful, and yes, Christmas will still be Christmas even if you don't do all those things. I have had to learn that in the last few years too, especially after having kids. Just wanted to say hi and let you know I've been thinking of you 3000 miles away :)