"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself."
- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)
Of all the things I loved about Mindy Kaling's new book, the thing I loved the most may have been her obvious appreciation and respect for marriage. Not just any type of marriage, of course, but the all-elusive excellent marriage.
I've written many, many times before about marriage, about how valuable it is, about how I don't just want a normal one, a good one, but an excellent one.
Our marriage, I have said before, is hard, in the sense that sacrificing of yourself for the good of someone else is always hard. It is worth it, but hard.
What I maybe need to also mention is that it is fun.
Kaling writes over and over again about pals, about how her parents' marriage works because they enjoy each other, they enjoy doing things together.
Quite simply, they're friends.
Jordan and I are friends. Yes, we have our own friends that we enjoy spending time with. Jordan, oddly enough, does not particularly enjoy crafting, and I can only handle so much disc golf.
But we are friends. We like hanging out together, love watching shows and movies together. We crack each other up until our sides hurt and take turns on 17-hour car drives. We scare each other silly watching creepy movies and hiding behind doorways.
Last weekend, Jordan found me coming out of our hotel bathroom with a towel wrapped around my head. Typical behavior for me, but this time, he kept looking at me with this bizarre fascination.
"I've always wanted to know how girls do that," he said.
So I showed him.
And we laughed hysterically taking pictures of ourselves in the mirror. (Pictures I'm sure Jordan thought would never see the light of day, poor thing.)
The point is, Mindy, they're out there. Couples who have fun and who love each other and who enjoy each other? They exist.
Our marriage isn't perfect. We're only approaching three years, so I know we aren't quite experts yet.
But we sure are having a good time.
And I think, really, that might be half the battle.