Friday, November 18, 2011

pals.


"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself." 

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

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Of all the things I loved about Mindy Kaling's new book, the thing I loved the most may have been her obvious appreciation and respect for marriage. Not just any type of marriage, of course, but the all-elusive excellent marriage.

I've written many, many times before about marriage, about how valuable it is, about how I don't just want a normal one, a good one, but an excellent one. 

Our marriage, I have said before, is hard, in the sense that sacrificing of yourself for the good of someone else is always hard. It is worth it, but hard. 

What I maybe need to also mention is that it is fun

Kaling writes over and over again about pals, about how her parents' marriage works because they enjoy each other, they enjoy doing things together. 

Quite simply, they're friends. 

Jordan and I are friends. Yes, we have our own friends that we enjoy spending time with. Jordan, oddly enough, does not particularly enjoy crafting, and I can only handle so much disc golf. 

But we are friends. We like hanging out together, love watching shows and movies together. We crack each other up until our sides hurt and take turns on 17-hour car drives. We scare each other silly watching creepy movies and hiding behind doorways. 

Last weekend, Jordan found me coming out of our hotel bathroom with a towel wrapped around my head. Typical behavior for me, but this time, he kept looking at me with this bizarre fascination. 

"I've always wanted to know how girls do that," he said. 

So I showed him. 

And we laughed hysterically taking pictures of ourselves in the mirror. (Pictures I'm sure Jordan thought would never see the light of day, poor thing.) 

The point is, Mindy, they're out there. Couples who have fun and who love each other and who enjoy each other? They exist. 

Our marriage isn't perfect. We're only approaching three years, so I know we aren't quite experts yet.

But we sure are having a good time. 

And I think, really, that might be half the battle.

13 comments:

Kari said...

I loved that part of the book, too. Her parents seem so awesome, and I think Mike and I are pals.

I didn't love the book as much as Bossypants, but it was a fun read, and if she writes another one, I would definitely read it.

Cindy P said...

I love that you taught Jordan how to wrap a towel around his head! Collin's asked about it too but he didn't do it himself he just watched me do it. =)

I love that you and Jordan are friends. Collin and I are best friends, too and I love that!

Julianne said...

Loved every bit of this! :)

Brunella said...

amo questo post.
Perchè è vero, reale.
I love this post.
Because it's true, real.
this photo is incredibly, you and Jordan fantastic.
Have fun, yes.

Erin said...

perfect! I could not agree more.
I knew I wanted to marry Scott when I realized I never got bored of his company or our conversations.He was becoming my best friend. And for 8 years we have been becoming better & better friends.

Betsy said...

I LOVED this post! It seems like most stories about marriage are negative [even with the church]. As a single, I hear more about marital problems than marital happiness or success. It's so nice to feel encouraged and know that happy marriages are possible :)

Four Flights said...

12 years later, Art is still my pal. My absolute best friend. It is hard, it gets harder with kids, but as long as you always remember why you like each other so much, it all works out. I'm pretty sure you and Jordan will still be making silly faces in hotel bathrooms 12 and 22 years from now.

hannah singer said...

hooray for friends AND hooray for marrying them;) loved this post.

Jennifer said...

Hehe. I love this photo! Me and my hubby are friends like that too. It's a wonderful thing.

Senja said...

love the quote, your photo and post! :) i need to buy that book.

xo senja

jenna said...

I love this and look forward to enjoying something like this! Oh Annie, how I love the thoughts you share!

DaisyGirl said...

Love this post. Thank you for it!!

Kelly Sauer said...

Happy sigh.

I think my Pete and I would love hanging out with you two. Don't lose that fun, even if you have kids - they will need it as much as you do!