Sometimes, God answers our prayers in ways we never could have imagined, not just in manner, but in method.
What I mean is, God doesn't just respond to our requests with "yes" or "no" or "not right now." Instead, sometimes -- all the time? -- He looks at our plans and our wishes and our desires, and He says: "I can do you one better."
In these months, as I've found myself sitting on the sidelines, lost as to what God is doing with the passions of my heart, I never once thought He might be working to do something great, beyond even what my imagination could comprehend.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at Sonquest, an annual youth rally held in Orlando. And despite my inexperience, despite little to no name recognition, despite feelings of inadequacy and a bout of spiritual inferiority complex, God presented me with 60 young women, young women who are desperately seeking Jesus, who -- for whatever reason -- chose to hear what I had to say. I saw in so many of them who I used to be, who I still am.
When several of these precious daughters came up to share their hearts with me, to share their stories with me, I knew: This weekend was a gift straight from the Father. And by His grace and goodness, my words meant something to someone. And regardless of attendance, of stumbled words or moments of doubt, the Father let me make a difference, and I don't even care how big or small that difference winds up being. I prayed that my words would be worthy of just an audience of One; any more than that, I know, is grace.
I am incredibly grateful and in awe of how my Creator chooses to work. At the moment when I absolutely least expected it, my God chose to answer the cries of my spirit, to offer me the gift of speech and audience, to provide me with a forum I never expected. My prayers had been so small, and when months went by without answer, I began seeking other avenues, never anticipating that my Lord might go bigger and better.
On Saturday, as I offered these girls my thoughts on story and plot and endings, I shared this quote by author Madeleine L'Engle: "We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are." I wanted them to know that in the middle of their life's decision making, there exists an Author who is writing their story with them, who is guiding them to become more than they could have ever dreamed.
I just forgot that the promise extends to me, that I, too, have an Author who hears my prayers and recognizes my desires, who constantly wants me to be more than I ever thought I could be.
His knowledge of me is a comfort, a guarantee that my heart will not go ignored.
I am so grateful for that.