a lucky one.

 {Kyodo News via the Associated Press and the Today Show}

I had written this post prior to last week's devastation in Japan, but now, more than ever, these words seem appropriate. You can donate through the Red Cross here, or comment on this post. I'll make an additional donation of $5 for every comment received (up to $150), in the hopes that every little bit we can do will make a big difference. 

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There are days when I almost can’t breathe from the heaviness of tragedy that permeates this life. I hear about car accidents and young brides with cancer and families who suffer and I want to know: Why? And why not me?

I get so caught up in these stories, these sad stories of loss and grief and pain, and I am consumed with the thought that I have been lucky.

Not just blessed, but lucky.

For so long, I have chosen to use blessed instead of lucky to describe my circumstances, a mark of my belief in an all-knowing Creator, but the truth is: Sometimes, you just feel lucky. Because if my possessions and my family and my gifts are blessings, what of those people who are homeless and alone and struck by the slap in the face that is tragedy? What of them? Are they not blessed? Are they less blessed than I am? Is there a sliding scale of blessing?

I don't know.

So today I feel like one of the lucky ones.

And I am in awe of the fact that I am still here. Still breathing.

The prayers escaping from my mouth move from words of why to words of thanks.

And all I can do is ask that I make these days — however many there are — worth it. That I do them justice. That I honor the King who has given them to me.

It is heavy, the weight of loss and grief. I do not claim to carry it well, nor do I claim to know why it befalls us and when. I can’t answer those deep theological questions that leap from people’s lips so quickly during painful times. I do not know the whys and the why nots.

So instead I just ask: Make my life be worth it. Make the days I have full of adventure and peace and love and good.

Because each day I wake up breathing, I am one of the lucky ones.

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For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods. In his hand are the caverns of the earth, and the heights of the hills are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands have molded the dry land.

- Psalm 95:3-5