oh how he loves us.

Can I just get honest?

I think somewhere along the way, I’ve forgotten to fall in love with Jesus.

In Bible class, we’re discussing Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love, and we were sitting, sharing moments in our lives when we felt that “this is it,” that spark of passion and fire with our Lord.

And I confess: For me, those moments have come when I am alone. When I have no one to depend on but the Savior.

Please don’t misunderstand.

My husband is one of the absolute best examples of someone living a life for the King. He teaches me so many things about the God we serve.

But if I’m going to be honest, I’m going to have to say that much of my obvious spiritual growth—those lightbulb, aha moments—came when I was on my own.

In Birmingham, trying to figure out what was next.

In Montgomery, friendless and alone.

In Tallahassee, preparing for an impending marriage with a long-distance fiancee.

And yesterday, while the rest of the world was celebrating the love this world provides, I was thinking.

About how much I love my Lord.

And there are these moments when I am nearly brought to tears with just the desperation of wanting Him here to comfort me and show me the way. Moments when I have been brought to my knees searching for a hug from the Father.

I long to sit at His feet and hear His words, pointing me toward Him and toward the path He has set for me.

That's what I feel lately.

Desperate. Despondent.

I think I can pinpoint the problem.

For the past few months, I’ve been too focused on earthly love—earthly love that doesn’t hold a candle to the love my Lord has for me.

It’s like looking at a shadow instead of the reality.

I want the reality.

Because as great as Jordan’s love is for me, it is not enough.

And if I keep looking for perfect love in my husband, I’m going to be disappointed.

And hurt.

And frustrated.

So it’s time to look to Jesus, and the Father who sent Him.

It’s time to look at perfect love where it’s been all along.

It’s time to fall in love with Jesus all over again.

Because He is deeply, passionately in love with me.

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realise just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all.

{Listen to this.}