Wednesday, October 14, 2009

and i wonder.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever do what I want to do. 

Be who I want to be. 

What I mean is: will I ever write a book? 

Because, I'm discovering, that's really what I want to do. 

I want to sit at home, curl up in a chair or sit at my desk, and write my days away. 

I want to put my own story-- real or imagined, I've yet to decide-- to paper. 

And you know what? 

I really believe I will. 

Because there is proof. 

God put me in this new job. Quickly, I might add. One day I said a prayer. Boldly, earnestly, desperately. And He moved.

And now I am here. At a job that is challenging. Where I am stretched. Forced to reach out of my box and deep into myself for the words I had forgotten were there. 

I'm writing. Researching. Editing. Interviewing. 

In other words, preparing. 

Don't think for a second I'm going to stay right here. 

My God, I think, has proved He is bigger than where I am. Bigger than my comfort zone. Bigger than the cubicle or office or school where you are.

And although I believe He calls us to contentment RIGHT HERE, I also believes He is constantly preparing the next thing for us. 

And because my Father knows my passions, the deepest desires of my heart that even my husband doesn't know, He will help me fulfill them. 

And I am so glad.


You Are 

I am here. 

And You are there. 

I cry out. 

And You hear. 

I stumble.

And You pull me out of the pit. 

I am paralyzed. 

And You move.

I sit. 

And You push me to my feet.

I am at the top of the world.

And You bring me to my knees.

I am blessed.

And You call me to serve.

I am silent.

And You are my words.

I see. 

And You ask me to look deeper.

I am angry, hurt, disappointed. 

And You show me love.

I am lost.

And You save.

Again. And again. And again. 



Amanda said...

Great post! I loved your poem at the end. It was so truthful and encouraging.


jenna said...

Thank you so much for posting this.
I needed these words tonight.

mom said...

Once apon a time I wondered (and prayed)if.....then I met your daddy. Then I wondered (and prayed) if......then I had two fabulous, intelligent, beautiful, God loving children. Then I knew how much God loved me! He is sooo good, and all the time!

Lindsey said...

I'm so glad you share such truthful and encouraging words. I need to be reminded that even if he hasn't answered yet, he is still constantly preparing me. I just need to trust that he is working even when I can't see it. Thank you! You words are reflective of the amazing heart you have and the wisdom that God has given you.

Jordan Jones said...

This is great, and very encouraging. Just what I needed to see today! I love you and and glad you married me.