Tuesday, August 25, 2009

on dating. {also: couple friends}

Yes, it’s true.

Despite my recent marriage, I find myself dating on a regular basis.

I spend hours wondering if I should go for it or wait on someone else to make the first move.

I awkwardly wait to see who reaches for the check.

I anxiously stand by the phone, desperate for a call I’m not sure will come.

I leave my calendar empty, just in case I do get a second invitation.

How does my husband let this happen?

Easy. He dates too.

We’re both dating.

Dating with the purpose of finding what we call “couple friends.”

It may be the most daunting task of our marriage.

Just why is it so hard?

1. We like hanging out with each other. Not in that sappy, gag-me kind of way, but in the “we’re-both-busy-and-if-we’re-going-to-hang-out-with-someone-it-should-be-each-other” kind of way. Plus, we kind of just like each other.

2. It’s hard to find two people that we both have chemistry with. I realize this makes us sound like the most high maintenance people on the planet, but it’s true. It’s hard for me to find one best friend. (And once I found him, I married him.) So finding two individuals who we both get along with is pretty tricky.

3. Jordan and I got married pretty young, so our best friends are still single (for the most part). Some aren’t even dating. And truthfully, we’d rather hang out with these friends, who we know and have relationships with, than with two complete strangers with whom we only have a relationship status in common.

4. Being with another couple feels eerily like work. When we have spare time, we want to have fun. Chill. Relax. Enjoy ourselves. Remember the awkwardness of your first date? I find going out with another couple akin to that first date, pit-in-your-stomach kind of feeling. Far from fun.

So, I’m looking for advice. If I want to have a dinner party, a get-together, do I stretch myself to invite other couples, even if we don’t know them all that well? Or do I host a party with primarily our single buddies, where we play the old, doting married couple?

Seriously. Married readers, is this a common dilemma? Where do you meet your couple friends?

And single friends, do you like hanging with your married friends? Or do we make you feel uncomfortable and out of place?

Curious (and married) minds want to know.


katie said...

I totally understand. We're on the search for couple friends with not much luck :(

You Are My Fave said...

Seriously, it took us a couple of years before we felt like we had good couple friends. It's so hard. We usually meet people at church. Game nights are a good meet and greet.

JennBrenn said...

Well until December you have the best couple friends you could have and have lots in common with them :-). But seriously, we usually meet our couple friends at chuch.

Robyn said...

Ah, the search for couple friends! It is indeed hard . . . not just for you, but for most married people. Church is a great place to look. Jordan's other law students is also a good place to look. Take a chance, be brave and have a dinner party with a group of friends you don't know really well, but that maybe have something in common . . . like young marrieds from church. Game night is an excellent idea. Do something fun and casual. It will take some time, and it might be a little painful at times, but once you find some couple friends, you'll be SO glad you put forth the effort! And know that because you're all young and still working on careers, that some of these friends may come and go quickly, but it's still worth the effort and makes it that much easier the next time. Also, most couples aren't looking for another "best friend", just another couple that they really enjoy as they walk through life. That takes a little bit of the pressure off. Hang in there! You'll do great!

jenna said...

As a single girl reader here, let me reassure you that your close friends that still happen to be single DEFINITELY still want to hang out with you! Some of my closest friends are married (or on the verge of married), and the worst thing ever is to feel like you can't hang out with them anymore because you aren't a "couple."

SO - keep looking for those good couple friends that you need, but don't think that your single friends don't want to hang out with you and the hubby too. Chances are, they still do. :)

Love you Annie!

Jessica said...

This really is a difficult thing. We happen to be at a congregation where it's mostly older people AND Matthew is the preacher. So we're at a complete disadvantage for young couple frindships there.

We've been married almost 5 years, and just in the past year does it seem like we've developed couple friends. It has been the most wonderful thing! It's so worth searching them out. And I think there will be some that you click better with. It's just the nature of friendships.

Our closest couple friends are also in the ministry so we can get together and share the things that we can't usually talk about with other people. It's also nice to be able to relax without feeling like you have so much expectation coming your way. Preachers' families are real too and struggle with all the same things as anyone else. I cherish our couple friends!

Cassie Holder said...

Oh how I relate to this! every word! I think so far our best find for couple friends are the minster who married us ( hes fairly young) and his wife! and we dont really hang out with them much :P

chet said...

sounds like you need to look in church because obviously within your family isn't good enough.